The Day the Towers of Babel Crumbled

It's interesting that today Sept. 11 is the day I depart on my new journey. From Cuba, near Santa Fe, NM, I am heading south on foot on the Continental Divide Trail. I plan to hike slowly along the 250 mile route and get to the Gila Wilderness in about three weeks to a month.
It's interesting because in many ways my whole life has crumbled. It did not happen as suddenly as the twin towers, and as much as I am often tempted, I can't blame some "terrorists" for my situation.
Since November 2007, I have been going through a major deconstruction project. I let go of the project I had created and nourished for 4 years, the car, the cell phone, the laptop and have sold all my possessions. Last winter I went to Europe and North Africa to visit my relatives, and spent two months in Ghana, West Africa.
Upon my return in the Spring, and during parts of my walkabout, I felt strangely sick, wondering if I was having a reaction to vaccines, had caught an exotic bug or was just approaching the end of my life.
During many months of depression and anxiety, I got to reflect on many things, letting myself slow down, watching a crazy world unfold around me, and having a terrible time making sense of anything at all.
I always thoughts of myself as tough, capable, driven and inspired. Being in a state of lethargy, detachment, tiredness and disconnection from the world around me was by far the most difficult time of my life. My beloved ego took a beating as I meandered in feelings of worthlessness, anger, resentment and despair.
Having no responsibilities whatsoever, I let myself be, and faced a mind full of judgments and soon realized that I had become what my Mother feared the most for her children -a homeless and penniless 50 year- old man!
Unmotivated to "work" or participate in a world that made no sense to me, I began to rekindle with a desire to immerse myself in Nature to embrace my indigenous spirit.
So while visiting my beloved friend Jennie in Santa Fe, I began preparing for a new journey-into the wild. It took me six weeks to educate myself as to what equipment, food and topo maps I should take. My friend David Long, an expert long distance hiker, was of great help in encouraging me to go light, wear wool and sleep under the stars as much as possible!
For weeks I have been waking up with anxiety-what the heck am I doing going into the wild in mid-Sept, getting further in debt everyday and having no plan for the future? What am I doing going on a hike with a body that has been experiencing so much aches and weirdness in the past 8 months? What if my ankles, which have been quite troublesome for months, do not let me hike with a 35 lbs pack? Am I living in fantasy thinking that as a soft urban fellow I can survive in the wild in the winter? (I did watch the movie "Into the Wild" and will be extra careful as far as foraging for wild foods!).
Each day I prepared myself mentally, letting go of any rational thoughts and expectations, and surrendered to a new impulse-a call from the Mother.
So off we go!